


and watch me walk (watch me walk)

by lutzaussi



Series: where are you going? [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explanations, Falling In Love, Gen, M/M, Roundabout Love Confessions, Traveling to Heal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 11:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12703893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutzaussi/pseuds/lutzaussi
Summary: Iruka leaves; Iruka returns, for good.





	and watch me walk (watch me walk)

Always in the back of Iruka’s mind was the thought of going to the Land of Wave, finding the town he had lived in with his parents decades before. He had dropped that as his goal after deciding to live with Sumire, but occasionally his mind would wander back to his initial plans, consider them anew.

But he didn’t want to leave Sumire alone, especially now that she was getting on in years and couldn’t watch the animals as well as she used to.

-

He didn’t know how he got away from Kakashi, but it seemed that Kakashi must have let him leave. He was too skilled a shinobi for Iruka to escape from him without allowing him to.

He took a circular route through Konohagakure that his feet somehow remembered, his mind miles away, back at his former home. How the hell had Kakashi found him? Had he seen him at the market or while he was walking and followed him? Did he just happen to stop by while returning from or leaving on a mission?

Iruka didn’t know what to believe, what to feel, so he focused on his feet and he focused on getting himself back to the inn. Sumire was already there, eating dinner, and Iruka forced himself to join her and choke down some food before fleeing for a short bath and his own room.

-

Relief, though very little of it, came the next day when they left the village. They left early, getting a jump on the crowds that were still arriving for the market, all of the things that they had bought the previous day now weighing down the cart.

Iruka was glad for the monotony of travelling, the comfortable silences that spanned from Konoha to the familiar safety of their house. Even once home, though, he felt uneasy, wary. Kakashi knew where the house was, and Iruka fully expected him to appear once they returned, settled back into life.

Kakashi didn’t.

The uneasiness lingered, though, even as he saw the livestock through the fall rut, helped Sumire prepare the garden for winter. Iruka felt restless, as if it was the calm before some descending storm.

-

The end of September was when he made his decision. It was still early enough in the year that there wouldn’t be snow for a few weeks, and Himura, their closest neighbor, whose family had taken care of the sheep and goats while they were in Konoha, was agreeable to visiting Sumire every couple days.

Iruka packed light, only taking the necessary clothing, food, and other essentials that he would need for a relatively long journey. Sumire worried, he could tell, but she also accepted that it was something he felt he needed to do. And she wasn’t upset to have some extra space for a few weeks, have some time to herself.

Iruka left early on the first day of October, the air crisp and the sun not yet dawning. Sumire saw him off as she tended to the sheep and goats, waving a goodbye with conviction as he headed down the path, south, into the woods.

As Iruka slowly made his way further and further away from the house, despite the chill in the air and the clouds swirling overhead, he felt lighter and lighter, as if some weight was being lifted from his shoulders.

-

It began pouring down rain on the second day of his trip. Iruka didn’t mind; he had a waterproofed poncho to pull on over his other clothes, and his boots were easily able to hold up to a little rain.

He passed the time by reciting books in his head, identifying plants and animals he came across, and reviewing his route in his mind. Iruka had a map in his bag, an older one that Sumire had lying around, and he’d marked out where the main rivers were and where towns might be. He hoped that, by moving in a semi-circle once he passed the border, he would find the village he was looking for quickly.

The further south he made it, the better the weather got. It was still cold, freezing overnight sometimes, but the rain dropped off and was replaced with clouds and sunlight during the days. Iruka could lay in his bedroll and watch the stars at night, when the sky was clear, and once or twice he wondered if Kakashi was seeing those same stars, wherever he was.

-

A week into his journey, Iruka passed the border into the Land of Waves.

The land changed gradually; soon he began encountering more creeks and ponds, and mountains gave way to forested hills and lowlands. In places there were bogs draining into the ponds and creeks, and then the smaller bodies of water gave way to lakes and rivers.

Iruka remembered enough of his lessons from his parents and from the Academy on chakra use to know how to walk on water, which made the journey easier. It did take some practice, but there had been a lot of puddles on his way.

He found the first village that same day, a week in.

It was a ways from the river, so he was fairly sure it wasn’t the town he was looking for, but it was homely, familiar. Houses with thatched roofs peeked out from the woods, and fields cleared of trees and brush were planted with crops. There was a tea house and a small family-run inn, where he paid to stay the night. It had been a week since he had taken a bath--might as well splurge while he could.

He did take the opportunity to ask around about the village he was searching for, the village he didn’t even know the name of. Unfortunately the best description he could give was still rather vague, so nobody could tell him exactly what he was looking for, but the overall recommendation of the villagers that he asked was to head back to the river, and follow it. He would, the next day, after getting a hot meal and taking a bath.

-

The luxury of having a roof over his head and his body actually clean for the first time in a week revitalized Iruka. He headed back to the river after he left the village, began following its deep curving length through the forest. He found the next village half a day’s walk from the first, but did little there other than ask after the place he was looking for, and buy some fresh food.

Like the last village, they told him to continue on, though one of the villagers offered to take him down the river on a boat.

He declined. Even if he didn’t find the village, and even if he did have to sleep out in the chill for the remainder of his journey, he felt that the walking itself was doing him good. He felt as if the lightness that had come over him as he left Sumire had only increased, and Iruka felt as if he was being freed from something--exactly what, he didn’t know.

-

Two weeks of hiking and walking, and Iruka camped next to the river and set a line to try and catch a fish. The fire he built was small, made of dry wood that burned smokeless. The sky was clear, so he had no qualms about sleeping in the open, not worrying about the chance of rain.

Once a fish had taken the line, he left it and a sweet potato to roast over and in the fire.

He walked off, until the light of the campfire was nothing but a dim glow behind him, and climbed a tree so he could look at the stars.

A person could get lost in them, the pricks of light scattered in the dark blue-black-purple of the night sky. Not for the first time, Iruka found his mind going back to Kakashi.

The man had let him leave, despite Iruka having deceived him for months. He’d seemed surprised and--maybe Iruka was projecting, but Kakashi had seemed almost heartbroken. When he’d left. When he’d not explained himself. And that hurt Iruka more than he wanted it to, more than he wanted to admit. Why was it that someone he’d known for less than a year was so important to him? He didn’t linger on the thoughts, instead returned to his campsite and ate, and after he went to sleep, and he dreamed about his parents’ house.

-

The day after that was the day he found the village.

It was abandoned, and Iruka could see why. The houses, picturesque with their still-thatched roofs and their window boxes for herb growing, were built up on stilted legs that stood in at least a foot of water. The entire village, which he remembered as being tucked on the ground, in the woods, had been turned into a flood plain.

The stilts he remembered, and he wandered the length of the ghost town, passing by every house, every building. Most of what he did recall was about the seasons, what the village had looked like and what the people had been like.

As he finished walking, and he stopped at the end of the town that he had started at, he felt some sort of resolve building up his core, his spine, and his will. He would go back. He would talk to Kakashi, explain if the man would allow him.

He would return to the house, go through it and remember and then clean it out. Maybe he would buy a house near Konoha; Sumire would be open to that, she was growing grouchy with the long winters and the long walks it took to get anywhere.

And maybe he would find his parents’ graves, doubtlessly in the Konoha cemetery. He would clean them, burn incense. Move on.

It was time for that.

-

The trip back to the house in the woods was much shorter than that away from it. Iruka knew where he was going, and knew what he needed to do when he got there, so he wasted no time. He did stop again in the village that he had stayed a night in, took a room in the inn again and gladly ate a hot meal. Everyone he had talked to remembered him, and when he told that he had found what he was looking for, they even seemed to be happy for him.

-

Sumire was brewing tea when he opened the door, toed his muddy boots off and left them on the porch to dry. It was late in the day, the sun already hidden off in the west.

Deliberately, as she did everything, Sumire rose to greet him. “Did you find what you were looking for?” she asked him as he took his jacket off, prepared to deal with his bag.

“I did,” he said, and she seemed content with that.

-

He cared for the animals that evening, and he told Sumire about his travels while they made and ate supper. She didn’t stay silent while he talked; she asked all manner of questions and Iruka was glad to give her answers.

It was more talking than they normally did, and Iruka’s throat was sore when he went out to clean his boots. He worked in the quiet, his only companion an oil lamp, and when he heard the crackling of the brush coming near to the house, he set aside his work, waited.

Kakashi emerged from the trees like a lanky ghost. He looked terrible, all things considered, and Iruka slowly gathered up his boots and cloth and lantern before heading inside, gesturing for Kakashi to follow.

-

In the light of the sunken fireplace, Kakashi looked even worse. His hair was a mess, he had bandages on both of his hands, and under the eye that Iruka could see was a bruised-looking bag. Iruka had managed a bath earlier, after he’d gotten back, but it looked like Kakashi hadn’t even thought of one in a while.

They were both silent as Iruka put his things away and set the kettle on to make some tea. Even when they both had mugs in their hands, tense silence stretched between them. Iruka stared at Kakashi, but Kakashi seemed to be everything he could to avoid Iruka’s gaze.

“Why were you there?” Iruka finally asked. He remained looking at Kakashi, but Kakashi was still looking down at the mug in his hands.

“It was a trap,” Kakashi said, and he looked up hastily, added, “Not really a trap, just a ninjutsu that notified me if someone was trespassing. It used to be Tenzou’s but when he was made into an Anbu captain he told me how to set it up.”

“But,” Iruka said, catching and holding Kakashi’s gaze with his own, “why?”

Kakashi sighed, slumped a little. “Tenzou and I were drafted into the search for you back when you ran away. They needed a couple of trackers and I happened to be in the village; Tenzou was assigned with me because he was still relatively new to the Anbu,” Kakashi slumped further, frowned down at his tea, “we couldn’t manage to find you. The Hokage didn’t even know you were gone until a while after it happened, and by then basically all trace of your trail was gone. He only let us try for two days, anyway.”

Iruka made a disbelieving sound, a little like a laugh that died back in his throat.

“So Tenzou thought that maybe, one day, you would come back to Konoha, visit your old home,” Kakashi sounded almost embarrassed as he continued. “We did put away some of the more valuable items in the house, we didn’t want anything to be stolen.”

_ What the hell _ . Iruka could feel himself choking up, so he tried to stop it by asking, “You thought I would come back?”

“Well, maybe sooner than you actually did, but,” Kakashi did peek up at Iruka, his face unreadable, “You were only a year or so younger than Tenzou was. We--we were all just kids.”

Iruka rubbed his eyes with one hand, partially so Kakashi wouldn’t see the tears, and partially because he was getting a headache. “We were,” he echoed.

-

Kakashi stayed the night.

Iruka didn’t even ask; he knew that it went without question. They were not done talking and past that he didn’t want Kakashi to leave. Past that, Kakashi was in no fit state to be traveling back to Konoha.

Iruka prepared futons for both of them in the main room, too tired to bother airing out his own room for privacy. He quietly grabbed one of Kakashi’s arms before Kakashi could slither into one of the beds, systematically took off the grubby bandages on his hands and wrists.

Kakashi relaxed as Iruka rubbed salve into the red burns cobwebbing his hands. “I’m sorry,” Iruka said as he bandaged the wounds with clean strips of cotton gauze. It was his turn to avoid Kakashi’s eyes, but at least he kept his face from burning red as he continued, “for not being honest with you. For leaving.”

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said in return, and Iruka looked up at him. “For not being honest with you, as well.”

He must have seen the question in Iruka’s eyes, because his visible cheek flushed, and he looked away from Iruka. “I did think you were familiar, in some way, when I first began coming here. But--I kept visiting because I enjoy your company. A lot. I stopped really caring what your name was.”

Iruka’s face, despite his best intentions, also submits to a healthy red blush.

“I enjoy your company as well,” Iruka said, quietly.

Kakashi squeezed his hands, and for a moment they said and did nothing. Finally, Iruka yawned and the moment passed. “Bed,” Iruka said, and Kakashi regretfully let go of his hands. There was more than just friendly fondness in the way that they looked at each other, but Iruka let that lie, at least for the night.


End file.
